UK tries to copy America’s revolution, doesn’t look as cool doing it


Apparently this Brexit thing that has been in the news for the past couple of years isn’t slang for “breadstick” but is in fact short for “British Exit,” and refers to the United Kingdom’s decision to leave the European Union.

It sounds like their own little Revolutionary War – minus the muskets and snazzy redcoats – so it should be fully supported by everyone in the United States.

They may be our mortal enemies, but the United Kingdom can’t survive another loss. They’re emotionally fragile. Besides, it’s about time the UK finally gets on board, sees things from America’s point of view (200 years late), and realizes that freedom is the most important thing.

Brexit is close to becoming real. The deal is agreed, and the European leaders signed off on it. The only potential hurdle left is to get it through the big wigs (literally) – the Parliament. But United Kingdom Prime Minister Theresa May is hopeful that with a bribe of peppermint tea, biscuits, and wig powder, they will all come around.

Not a lot happens in Britain besides watching the rain come down and wishing James Corden would leave the States and move back to the motherland, so this deal is the most important international agreement in Britain’s postwar history.

After Brexit is approved (and the two year grace period ends), the United Kingdom will no longer have to pay European Union membership fees. That’s like getting to stay in your posh home but not having to pay the Homeowner’s Association a cent. Plus, your shrubs can be as shrubbery as you like them.

But perhaps more importantly, free movement across borders will come to an end, and trade across borders will become trickier. But it’s all worth it for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Hmm, sounds familiar.

If Parliament votes “no” and Brexit doesn’t pass, thousands of citizens of the United Kingdom will undoubtedly jump ship and hop onto a ship headed for America. Because freedom. However, no one knows when this historic vote will happen, most likely because they don’t have a free press who tells the citizens everything.

One thing’s for certain, though. The United Kingdom is roughly 200 years behind the times.

Illustration by Sam Roth.

Link to Original Article here.

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