It’s a new week, which means it’s time for another riveting case of he said/she said.
In this week’s edition, Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, was taken into custody in Los Angeles for “allegedly attacking a woman at an apartment complex.”
The victim has not been identified, but it has been confirmed that she is not his estranged wife Lisa Storie-Avenatti. This means that, according to this reporter’s calculations, Avenatti has somehow been with at least two women in his lifetime.
The victim’s face was left “swollen and bruised.” When the Los Angeles Police Department first responded to the 911 call, Avenatti could be heard saying, “She hit me first!” This proves once and for all that the toddler logic of “anything goes if someone else started it” still rings true well into middle age.
When the woman ran out of the apartment building, she was heard saying, “I can’t believe you did this to me. I’m going to get a restraining order against you.”
Avenatti released a statement calling the allegations “completely bogus,” just as long as you ignore all of the evidence. He continued, “Any accusations to the contrary are fabricated and meant to do harm to my reputation. I look forward to being fully exonerated.” Reportedly everyone currently incarcerated on domestic violence charges agrees with Avenatti.
The LAPD, however, has not yet made up their mind on the case. In a statement on Twitter, they said, “Detectives arrested Michael Avenatti on suspicion of domestic violence. This is an ongoing investigation and we will provide more details as they become available.”
In the meantime, Avenatti has been released from police custody.
As a free man, he plans to continue to make accusations against President Trump and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh while mulling over the idea of running for President of the United States in 2020. If Trump can do it, anyone can.
Stormy Daniels (whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, like the Big Red Dog), Avenatti’s most infamous client, was unable to be reached for comment on the assault charges.
This story was originally reported by TMZ, a news organization just as reliable and trustworthy as Foxworth News.
Illustration by Kei Tran.
Link to Original Article here.